i need someone to talk to. I don't know how to stay positive.  I don't know how to handle stress and I don't know how to be happy .

I need someone who will look me in the eyes, and listen, and actually care about everything I am saying.
Greedy I know. I have sooo much! I have all these friends, but maybe I have someone who could be more than a friend. Oh hell I hope he never finds out. I don't know how I feel about him. Oh my god I sound like a fricken five year old. Never in my life have I actually thought about someone like this hahaha.
I want him to listen to me, and talk to me.  I want him to be my great, best friend. I can settle for that, that's all I want! Jesus this is pathetic. I hope for the world's sake no one ever reads this, ha.

Lets discuss stress.
I get excellences. And now I have the WORST pressure on my shoulders because i HAVE to do well. I can't handle the stress.
I feel like thats all i do in life. Go to sleep, eat, go to school. Do homework.
I feel stuck. I'm so stuck.
I dont want to spend years studying so hard just to go onto more studying and pressure!!
I want to be free, and careless!
I WANT I WANT I WANT. So ungrateful Emily.
I need to just be happy with what I have, AND live life while i have it.

Be grateful.
I need to wake up everyday and be grateful.

-Emily Grace

Friendship shaping your life

Life is like a book, we have bad pages or a bad chapter. We love to dwell on those pages, cry about them and think that these are the only pages we can read.
But if you want something to change, turn the page. Read the next chapter.
Or if you don't want the story, then rip it up, burn it.
And write your own story, because it's yours and you are the author to your own life.

So in my life, I have some friends that I know will always be there.
Jordan, Minette, Vicky and Lauren. Then there's those people that I'm never sure about. I'm never sure where I stand, and I'm never sure whether they care for me as much as I care for them. And I hate that feeling, the feeling of not being cared about. Because I am sure I am not the only person in this world who fears being left alone, and that's what I'm scared those people will do.
There is one certain person who does this to me, I am not sure where I stand with them, but I really really do care about them. Almost too much. Because the care they show for me is nothing, when we speak in "real life".
Why can't people just be real?
Why can't people just be their selves?
Why do we live in a place where being different is so horrible?
I am myself, I was created to be myself and if you're embarrassed by me then you can god damn leave.

So if you're ever feeling self-conscious, like you're not good enough. Its okay everybody feels that way. I do every single day, but is it yourself you are trying to please?
One quote I absolutely love is:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because the people who mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind."
Such a true quote, if you find yourself trying to impress a friend, or a friend not accepting you for who you are, the big question is: Are they a true friend?

When you're down and questioning everything, when you're worrying yourself sick, when you're in tears over the smallest of matters; find those people who are going to comfort you. Not fix your problems but support you and accept that these problems are part of you.

We all need some people in our lives like that. But stop searching for someone to be that person, and start putting your effort in and be a good friend yourself.
It's a two way street.

-Emily Grace